All photos taken by Brianne Heiner Photography.
All photos taken by Brianne Heiner Photography.
Just kidding. He doesn’t always come to town. But a couple of weeks ago, he did.
We had our Stake Conference on June 11th. We found out in May that Elder Jeffrey R. Holland would be visiting us and I literally couldn’t even contain my excitement!!!! Not only was an Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ coming to visit, but ELDER HOLLAND was coming.
I have this weird thing that I bring upon myself, it’s called social anxiety. I literally get so anxious that I end up having a panic attack and start crying pretty hard. It often keeps me from going to social events like meeting up with friends, going to stake conference, etc. It’s really hard on me and I absolutely hate it but it’s just something I have to work through. :/
We arrived at 8:30 AM (more like 8:15) to get good seats. We were on the 5th row from the front where Elder Holland would speak to us. It was incredible. The meeting didn’t even start until 10:00 AM! Haha, but it was so worth it. I got to sit by my babe and my bff Abby. ANNNND my mom and Jess :) It was just a wonderful experience. Absolutely incredible. Abby and I always find ourselves doing everything together and this was one of them!
I wish I could remember everything he said, I really do. It was so good. We were getting a new stake presidency that day so, he spoke a lot on supporting and accepting those who are called to certain positions in the Church that we, as members, feel like it could have been filled by someone else. It’s kind of silly but people do! I always wondered why my dad was never in the bishopric like my friends’ dad. Or why my mom wasn’t in a super cool stake calling. You just do, it’s just apart of being within the Church. But the way he spoke about sustaining them anyway, and supporting them and promising with the Lord that you will serve alongside them. It was very powerful and probably something we needed to hear.
He then started talking about a few other things and incorporated the Book of Mormon. I say “things” because I literally just can’t really say all that he said. You just had to be there. Also, he speaks exactly the same in person/in the chapel as he does in General Conference. HAHA like woah… we can hear you loud and clear through the microphone ;) ;) ;) I kid I kid. But it was powerful and amazing and a complete testimony builder. God loves his Apostles. They are the same person both on TV and in your church building. They love us. They want to serve and help us. Some things I do remember him saying are:
A little bit of emphasis on that last one because we all know Elder Holland. Haha, anyway, the “evidence” that he speaks of is the proof that God lives, Jesus Christ atoned for our sins and the Book of Mormon is the most correct book on the earth today. The evidence that Angels are real, Heaven exists and this is the true-living Church of God, the ONLY true church on the earth today. I cried. I cried through his entire talk. surprise surprise. It was exactly what I needed, what my friends needed, my family… our stake. It was everything and more. I need to read the Book of Mormon. Every year, every day.
I know, without a doubt, that my Heavenly Father loves me. I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know that the Prophet and President of the Church today, is Thomas S. Monson. I know that Apostles are real, and that they are just like us. I know, that after hearing him speak to us, God is ever-mindful of us individuals and what we need to hear and when we need to hear it. This church is true. It is the truest of the truest. It is life-saving, life-changing, and eternal. I would not be who I am today without it. I would not be able to live, breathe, love, or enjoy life without the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am thankful for the many Pioneers and ancestors who trekked across the country to bring this light. My family is eternal. My marriage is eternal. I don’t understand, and I might not ever, some of the doctrine, the policies or any other decisions the Church makes. AND THAT’S OKAY. It’s okay that I have questions, and it’s most definitely okay that I wrestle while working through that. Nothing in this world, no alcohol, drugs, partying, stealing, etc. would EVER be more worth it. NOTHING. I know what I know because of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I have had way too many sacred experiences, and too many witnesses to deny it.
I’ve been having a no-good, horrible, very-bad day. It started with going to work. A huge panic attack arose. I couldn’t fight it, I kept it in as long as I could. Then I broke down. Cried really hard. Confessed honest feelings about myself to my husband. And here I am, watching Netflix already feeling panic about going to work tomorrow.
After talking to my husband & my mom about the things I can’t do in regards to my life and mental health, I started to feel tired. I usually do. Crying brings a migraine and that brings exhaustion. But I felt strongly about making a list a things I CAN do when I’m experiencing anxiety.
It’s so hard to coninually feel like all you do is negative. All you talk is negative. Your thinking–negative. Because that’s anxiety. But I want people to know that I can function when I’m experiencing anxiety. Even if I can’t hold a job, I can still be productive and take care of myself too.
These are just a few things I know that I can handle when I’m feeling anxious. I’m not some lazy human who sits at home and sulks in sadness. Of course, there isn’t anything wrong with staying home. But I also enjoy having many interests, it’s part of being an ESFJ.
I’m going to try to make a self-care kit and probably include some of these!
According to Wikipedia (the most untrusted website) a Multipotentialite is:
An educational and psychological term referring to a pattern found among intellectually gifted individuals. [Multipotentialites] generally have diverse interests across numerous domains and may be capable of success in many endeavors or professions, they are confronted with unique decisions as a result of these choices.
AKA we never know what she is doing because she always changes her mind.
The first thing that came to my mind was, is this really a thing? I laughed about it for a bit the other day, seriously and laughing at the idea of it. Someone must have made this word up. It totally sounds like a made up word. And maybe it is, I’ll never know. But after doing more research, and watching this awesome TED talk, I’m starting to finally feel understood.
I can’t even begin to tell you/express how embarrassing it is to constantly be jumping from the next adventure to the next and hearing from others how it all just looks crazy and they just never know what I’m up to. Clients won’t want to book me because they’re afraid I’ll just cancel or change my mind on them. Nobody will want to buy my cute stickers that I make, in my Etsy shop, because there are soooo many people who already do. And my newest adventure, nail school? Yeah, I won’t be able to make enough to pay back what I spent on schooling… it’s depressing and extremely frustrating.
It’s a daily, consistent battle with myself. Do I really need to do anything at all? Do I really need to just find one thing? Can I really just enjoy having a job and nothing else? Can I handle just coming home and not having anything to do and be content with that? Do I really have the courage to give up my photography business, throw the nail school idea out the window, and believe that my designs for Etsy aren’t going to interest anyone?
Nobody is at fault here, and nobody has made these decisions or caused these questions. It’s how I’m wired. It’s just who I am. Entrepreneur? Probably, I can definitely be that. Creative? It’s my favorite outlet for ALL of my emotions. Each time I was in the hospital, my favorite therapy session was art therapy. I always felt most calm, most “in my element,” and most content. It’s the real deal for me.
I’m just ready to accept that I’m always going to be changing interests. I don’t have a “calling.” If I do, there’s definitely more than one. I’m happiest knowing that I can do and be whatever I want to be. I don’t have to be a doctor just because I’m really smart. I don’t have to be a wedding photographer just because I know how to use a camera. I can make all the flippin’ stickers I want because if no one else uses them, I know I will. I guess the price I pay for following many of my interests is the frustration that comes with road blocks. I’m sure it’ll always be that way. But I know, hope, believe and have faith in myself, and that I can do anything I put my mind and heart into.
I only read 2 books according to Goodreads but I feel like I read much more than that! Haha, I guess I only finished two books but read in so many!
» 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do by Amy Morin – Wow! I have been dying to read this book for a long time… wow! When I added it to my Goodreads “currently reading” list, I noticed there were A LOT of terrible reviews about this book. It was sad because after watching Amy’s TED talk, I couldn’t wait to jump in. I signed up for Audible and used one of my credits to get the audio for this book. I could not stop listening to it. I’m pretty sure I listened to it in like 2 or 3 days. It’s definitely not something I haven’t heard of before but I did learn a lot of new things. I need to go back through the physical book and take notes and stuff. FANTASTIC read. Audible and hardcover, own
» Worth the Risk (St. James #3) by Jamie Beck – I la la la la la la la la LOVED this book. Best story of the three book series. Like hands down, by far it beats #1 and #2. Jackson is so incredible, and Gabby is like.. the calm to his storm. Their love story is just perfect and heart-wrenching but happy at the same too! I felt like much more was involved which is what made the story so rich! Five stars for sure! Amazon Kindle Fire eBook, own
none this week
» Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling – You guys. I promise I’m going to finish this one THIS month. I swear it. I went on vacation in May and I got so much reading done in this book. I’m really proud of myself for making it this far! Haha *insert monkey-covering-eyes emoji*
» Worth the Wrestle by Sheri Dew – This book is SO FREAKEN GOOD. Sheri Dew is the CEO of Deseret Book which is a book company that sells Christian/Mormon-related goods like this book. She is so good at discussing God and the importance of trusting in Him during the good and the ugly. I just cannot say enough good things about this book. I wish I could share every quote but then I’d be sharing the entire book. It’s so good!!
» The Burnout Cure by Julie de Azevedo Hanks – This book was really good when I first started reading it and I haven’t read it in a very long time. I need to quickly finish this one up after I read Worth the Wrestle (see above).
» The Healing Code by Alexander Loyd – A good friend of mine recommended this book to me and I’m SO excited to dive into it! I know nothing about it or the author so I can’t wait to share more next time!
» Grace, Not Perfection by Emily Ley – I’ve been putting off reading this book for a while now. Not really sure why but I have. Emily Ley is a really great person and her planners are incredible! I’m just sure this book is going to be amazing!
» So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport – My team at work is reading this book together. We discuss it every Friday and so far, nobody is really liking this book :/ I guess I’ll see how it goes!
» Cultivate by Lara Casey – Wow, just wow. This book is incredible already and I’m only 50 pages in!! I loved Lara’s first book and this one is no disappointment either. I can’t wait to finish reading it!
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