That Entrepreneur Life – Multipotentialite

Ashley Ziegler headshot by Abbey Kyhl

According to Wikipedia (the most untrusted website) a Multipotentialite is:

An educational and psychological term referring to a pattern found among intellectually gifted individuals. [Multipotentialites] generally have diverse interests across numerous domains and may be capable of success in many endeavors or professions, they are confronted with unique decisions as a result of these choices.

AKA we never know what she is doing because she always changes her mind.


The first thing that came to my mind was, is this really a thing? I laughed about it for a bit the other day, seriously and laughing at the idea of it. Someone must have made this word up. It totally sounds like a made up word. And maybe it is, I’ll never know. But after doing more research, and watching this awesome TED talk, I’m starting to finally feel understood.

I can’t even begin to tell you/express how embarrassing it is to constantly be jumping from the next adventure to the next and hearing from others how it all just looks crazy and they just never know what I’m up to. Clients won’t want to book me because they’re afraid I’ll just cancel or change my mind on them. Nobody will want to buy my cute stickers that I make, in my Etsy shop, because there are soooo many people who already do. And my newest adventure, nail school? Yeah, I won’t be able to make enough to pay back what I spent on schooling… it’s depressing and extremely frustrating.

It’s a daily, consistent battle with myself. Do I really need to do anything at all? Do I really need to just find one thing? Can I really just enjoy having a job and nothing else? Can I handle just coming home and not having anything to do and be content with that? Do I really have the courage to give up my photography business, throw the nail school idea out the window, and believe that my designs for Etsy aren’t going to interest anyone?

Nobody is at fault here, and nobody has made these decisions or caused these questions. It’s how I’m wired. It’s just who I am. Entrepreneur? Probably, I can definitely be that. Creative? It’s my favorite outlet for ALL of my emotions. Each time I was in the hospital, my favorite therapy session was art therapy. I always felt most calm, most “in my element,” and most content. It’s the real deal for me.


I’m just ready to accept that I’m always going to be changing interests. I don’t have a “calling.” If I do, there’s definitely more than one. I’m happiest knowing that I can do and be whatever I want to be. I don’t have to be a doctor just because I’m really smart. I don’t have to be a wedding photographer just because I know how to use a camera. I can make all the flippin’ stickers I want because if no one else uses them, I know I will. I guess the price I pay for following many of my interests is the frustration that comes with road blocks. I’m sure it’ll always be that way. But I know, hope, believe and have faith in myself, and that I can do anything I put my mind and heart into.

 

Are you a multipotentialite? Let’s be friends!

xoxo

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Show Us Your Books – June ’17

I only read 2 books according to Goodreads but I feel like I read much more than that! Haha, I guess I only finished two books but read in so many!

Show Us Your Books - June '17 by Built Upon the Rock

Couldn’t Stop Reading

» 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do by Amy Morin – Wow! I have been dying to read this book for a long time… wow! When I added it to my Goodreads “currently reading” list, I noticed there were A LOT of terrible reviews about this book. It was sad because after watching Amy’s TED talk, I couldn’t wait to jump in. I signed up for Audible and used one of my credits to get the audio for this book. I could not stop listening to it. I’m pretty sure I listened to it in like 2 or 3 days. It’s definitely not something I haven’t heard of before but I did learn a lot of new things. I need to go back through the physical book and take notes and stuff. FANTASTIC read. Audible and hardcover, own

» Worth the Risk (St. James #3) by Jamie Beck – I la la la la la la la la LOVED this book. Best story of the three book series. Like hands down, by far it beats #1 and #2. Jackson is so incredible, and Gabby is like.. the calm to his storm. Their love story is just perfect and heart-wrenching but happy at the same too! I felt like much more was involved which is what made the story so rich! Five stars for sure! Amazon Kindle Fire eBook, own

Fine Reads

none this week

Show Us Your Books - June '17 by Built Upon the Rock

Did Not Finish/Still Reading

» Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling – You guys. I promise I’m going to finish this one THIS month. I swear it. I went on vacation in May and I got so much reading done in this book. I’m really proud of myself for making it this far! Haha *insert monkey-covering-eyes emoji*

» Worth the Wrestle by Sheri Dew – This book is SO FREAKEN GOOD. Sheri Dew is the CEO of Deseret Book which is a book company that sells Christian/Mormon-related goods like this book. She is so good at discussing God and the importance of trusting in Him during the good and the ugly. I just cannot say enough good things about this book. I wish I could share every quote but then I’d be sharing the entire book. It’s so good!!

» The Burnout Cure by Julie de Azevedo Hanks – This book was really good when I first started reading it and I haven’t read it in a very long time. I need to quickly finish this one up after I read Worth the Wrestle (see above).


New Reads!

 Show Us Your Books - June '17 by Built Upon the Rock

» The Healing Code by Alexander Loyd – A good friend of mine recommended this book to me and I’m SO excited to dive into it! I know nothing about it or the author so I can’t wait to share more next time!

» Grace, Not Perfection by Emily Ley – I’ve been putting off reading this book for a while now. Not really sure why but I have. Emily Ley is a really great person and her planners are incredible! I’m just sure this book is going to be amazing!

» So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport – My team at work is reading this book together. We discuss it every Friday and so far, nobody is really liking this book :/ I guess I’ll see how it goes!

» Cultivate by Lara Casey – Wow, just wow. This book is incredible already and I’m only 50 pages in!! I loved Lara’s first book and this one is no disappointment either. I can’t wait to finish reading it!


What are you reading this month?

Link up by clicking this button below!

Life According to Steph

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Memorial Day!

Memorial Day came and went so fast for me! The sight and feeling of love I felt when I visited my dad was a humbling experience of gratitude. I remember getting out of the car and as I walked up it was like the wind got knocked out of me. My dads grave was beautiful. He is SO loved. So loved. I am SO thankful for those who visited my dad, or thought about him… it means the world to me. I wanted to tear up, because naturally that’s what I would have done but I didn’t. I couldn’t stop smiling at how many flowers there were, how the sun was still shining and it was warm. It was a happy day and I’m so proud of my dad and his service. I’m also grateful to everyone who visited a Veteran, wrote a letter to someone currently serving and to those who are taking the step to serve our country. Being a Marine was huge for my dad and something I’m really proud of him doing!! Love you dad, miss you so much!!! 

Indecisive

Indecisive.

It should be my middle name or something.

I have this conversation with a lot of people, all the time. In fact, the reason I’m writing this post is because I had this very conversation with my mom (and sister I think) like two days ago. I also talk about it a lot on my blog, so if you’re reading this and you’re sick of reading it, just stop now.

I announced very publicly on February 22, 2017, that I would be stepping down as a wedding photographer. There were so many aspects of my life at that time that needed my time and attention. I was so heartbroken. I knew this was probably a good choice but I didn’t expect it to be as hard as it was is. I wasn’t going to be photographing weddings anymore, booking new clients. I was done. That was it. No more photos. But I just couldn’t live with that, and almost a month later I wanted it back. But this is what’s best… or so I thought. There’s no way anyone will book you with how unstable you are as a business owner. <<<<< Literally my thoughts every day.

I missed meeting with brides in person to go over their big day. I missed showing up for engagements and getting the giggles out with great photos to show. I missed the bridals, the first look… that moment of “this is what wedding day will probably feel like.” But I most miss the actual wedding day. The cheers of congratulations from the guests. The cute stories I get to hear from the grandpas. I miss my gear. I miss learning and being confident in my work and my ability to produce the photos I wanted and did. I miss second-shooting for crying out loud. I miss having this as an outlet that I never knew how much I loved until I was in “photographer-mode.”

My heart aches for this photography life that I’ve been living the past 3 years. It aches for the excitement of learning, growing and being successful with something. College didn’t work out for me. Holding a job hasn’t worked out for me. But photography has. Photography was not only my creative outlet, but it was a way of serving someone and putting them first. It was a way that I felt made my dad proud of me. It’s one way I still feel connected to my dad. Photography is life. Whenever someone says, “we should let Ashley take the picture, she’s the photographer,” my love for this part of my life grows and I pray in gratitude every night that I have found photography. This is a self-taught skill. I have worked hard and I have worked my tail off to get where I am.

But I’m stuck. I’m stuck and I can’t get out.

I sold my gear. Yep, you read that right. I sold my gear. All of it: my camera body, two lens’, four batteries, and a few other things. All in one weekend. My baby. My life and my love. I sold it. Gone. Now, I have a Sony mirror-less camera. The new and cool. I don’t know how to use it at all. The lens’ are $$$$$$$$$$$$$ and the ones I have aren’t all that amazing. I don’t know what all the buttons mean or how to adjust with a snap of my finger like I did my Nikon. It’s frustrating. It’s discouraging but a good kind of different at the same time. What kind of client is going to book me with a small, point-and-shoot-looking camera? No one will take me seriously. If it’s not big, black and chunky, I’m not professional… right? That’s hard!

Why I switched, I’m not really looking to get in to that right now. Things are changing. Am I coming back? Probably… when? I don’t know. Someone once said, “we never know if you are or aren’t doing photography. You change your mind a lot.” I do. I apologize. I am so sorry for causing so much confusion and being so indecisive. I’m all over the place all of the time. My life is. I never know what I’m doing each and every day. I feel so unstable. A lot like my depression and anxiety. I never finish anything, yet I want to try everything. Maybe I don’t let things workout. Maybe I’m scared that something, specifically photography, will workout and I’ll be successful. Can I handle that? Is it what I really want? Will everyone support me?

 I want to make this work. I want to make photography be my thing. I want to be successful and love what I do in life. I’m hurt that a lot of other things aren’t working/happening right now and maybe this is it. Maybe this is what’s working/happening. Whether it always will or not, I really want to make it work. I want to book clients, be happy and photograph memories. I feel like specializing in weddings will ALWAYS be my thing, but maybe it’s time I become a hybrid photographer. Maybe I need to start photographing families (small families), seniors, missionaries, couples, anniversaries, portraits, head-shots, studio photography, lifestyle, in-home sessions… maybe I’m feeling this way because I’m sticking strictly to weddings? I’m not sure. Either way, I think it’s time I open my doors to some more work that I haven’t been doing for a long time.

There’s so much change happening in my life right now. The biggest hurtle I’ve had to overcome since February 22, was my dads 1 year passing anniversary. I miss him so much, right now especially. I’m just having a sad day (it’s 12:03 AM right now) and I just miss him. I’m tired, exhausted and I need to find balance in my life. Something, I need to calm down, eliminate/simplify and do what makes me most happy… and that’s probably photography, reading, blogging, being with family and … napping. HAHA but seriously. If you made it this far, I’m really proud of you because this was A LOT of word vomit. My heart just needed to say what was on my mind.

So the future of Ashley Ziegler Photography holds……. not really sure but I’m hoping something.