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We finished the Book of Mormon!

November 17, 2017

Brady and I finished reading the Book of Mormon! We kind of started reading when we first got married. Then we worked on it here and there throughout the last four years. I can’t believe we finally finished it! :) I’m so proud of us. It’s a long book. The only long book I’ve ever read (fat books intimidate me), and now we’re going to be reading in the Old Testament! I can’t wait. It’s going to be so much great!

I didn’t really care about school/seminary when I was in 10th grade and that is the year we studied the Old Testament, so it’s nice to actually care this time! ;) Haha Brady and I love spending this time together, and sometimes we’ll ask each other questions or what we liked most about the recent chapter we just read. It’s amazing how the Holy Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the Temple all connect. It’s amazing and I love it so much!!

Never Alone

October 15, 2017

I think it’s really easy for us to feel alone. I feel that way often, even if I know that I’m not.

Sunday’s can be really hard for me. I’m not sure why, but I can experience really bad anxiety when it comes to going to Church. It’s not because I don’t want to go, or using it as an excuse. All I know is it gets hard for me to breath and I cannot relax. This past Sunday, we had a baby blessing. With that comes what feels like a billion people. We already have a big ward as it is, so it was a full house! We were all dying of heat. I just felt like I was sweating to death and being sick just doesn’t mix well.

I got up after the Sacrament and left to the foyer where it was much cooler!! I remained there all of Sacrament meeting and it was really nice. It was just me and nobody else, which I was really surprised. While I was sitting out there, I saw this picture of Jesus Christ hanging on the wall. Now, Brady and I have been in many different wards during our four years of marriage, so I’ve seen this picture in this building, for probably 95% of my life. I thought to myself, why is this wall so bare? Why don’t they get a new image of Christ to hangup? It’s so outdated. It’s as old as I am! But then I decided to take a picture of it because I was quickly reminded that all we need in life is Jesus Christ. Yes, cheesy symbolism. But it’s so true.

Christ may be the only thing on this wall, but that’s okay. Because the only thing we need in life is our Savior, Jesus Christ. It is so easy to get distracted and forget who we really want to be. I know that I want to be like my Savior. I am faaaaar from being like Him, but I do my best every day. I can’t tell you most scripture stories, but I can bear my testimony on Christ. I can’t tell you much of His life, but I know that it was incredible.

Remember, the next time you might feel lonely. Christ is there. He is always there. Even if He is the only one, He is still there.

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.John 14:18, KJV

My baby. My Lucille. My Lucy Loo.

August 5, 2017
The day I picked up Lucy, she was 8.5 weeks old. She was the tiniest little puppy. All black and some brown. She cried and cried. We didn’t have anything for her, we weren’t prepared in any way, but there she was in our life now. On KSL, they listed her as a boy, saying that “he” was the only one left. I didn’t really care the gender, I’ve lived with both a female and male dog. When I got there, they handed her to me and said, “Here’s Bella.” And I was like.. what? I thought she was a boy? But took her anyway. She cried and cried and nibbled at my hand and tried to escape a billion times.
 
I changed her name because I just wasn’t feeling Bella and didn’t think that it fit her. I was talking to my older sister about it and she said, “Give her an older name like Lucille or something.” And immediately it clicked. That name fit her. It fit her and I loved it. So, we named her Lucille and obviously call her Lucy for short. She definitely grew into the name and I just think it’s the best name we came up with.
 
Brady and I spent many, many mornings, waking up at 5:00 am to a crying 8.5 week old puppy. We’d sit with her and she’d be so ready to play and we couldn’t keep our eyelids open but somehow, we made it out alive. She grew fast. She was a diva from day one. I loved that when she was a puppy, she took so many naps, that were at least 2-3 hours each time. I remember feeling panic and texted my sister to see if it was normal and she said it was. Thank goodness.
 
We did really well with potty training and she learned VERY quickly/early on, that the door meant outside. And every time we thought she was going to pee, we picked her up and took her outside. After every meal, we took her outside. After a while, she would start to cry at the door to go potty. It was amazing and we’re so lucky she learned this early. After a little while, we moved her bed to the family room instead of in our room. We taught her to be quiet at night, in the family room. We taught her what “bed” was and that at night time (or when it’s dark) we are to be quiet and we sleep. She learned that really quickly as well.
 
She did give us a run for our money though. Escaping out the door with every fiber in her being while we desperately tried to stop her. That led to many chases around the apartment complex. She was a fast puppy. She hated phones, computers or even TV. If you weren’t looking at her face, she would sit and cry and cry and cry until you did. If you had your phone in your face, she would move it out of the way. I thought it was hilarious. It taught me real quick to spend more time with her instead of letting her play by herself. 
 
I could go on and on and on about her first year, but I won’t. I’ve documented that in my other blog. When our apartment lease was up, we were in the middle of maybe moving out of state OR living with my mom. Either way, we couldn’t take Lucy with us and needed to find a home for her. We were devastated and cried for days. My wonderful grandma and aunt messaged us and offered to take her until we were able to work something out that would allow us to have her. It was a huge blessing, a huge sigh of relief, and something we’ll never be able to thank them enough for. They didn’t have to take her, love her, teach her, feed her… but they did. And it was more than I could have asked.
 
In no way am I upset with my grandparents, or my aunt or any family. They didn’t have to take her in their home but they did. For that, I’m so grateful. Brady and I officially moved to my moms while we figured out our future with moving, jobs and school. Our plans changed a couple of weeks ago, and so did my grandparents’ plans. Nobody is at fault nor am I angry with them. I want to make that VERY clear. It was bound to happen at some point and we were blessed with more time.
 
My heart is broken, and I’m really sad that Lucy will be going to a new home with a new family to love her and take care of her. They’ll help her grow up and learn. I’m excited for her. I’m not going to mention much about our plans yet, but even though we cannot have her with us now, she’ll always be with us. I’ll always love my Lucy girl. My baby girl. My loo loo. My Lucille. I never liked the term “dog mom,” I just felt like it wasn’t me and never felt like one. That has most definitely changed now.
 
Lucille is my baby. My first baby. My first little baby to steal my heart. The hardest sacrifice and decision I’ve ever had to make about her. I’ll miss her forever, even though I’m excited for her new life. First dog, first love. We’ll miss you baby girl. So much.
 

  

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Our last family photo.
We love you Lucille,
and we’ll miss you like crazy.

 

You can’t hear it but she was crying when I took this.
She saw that we were leaving and began to cry.
Basically the moment I lost it.

xoxo. Lucille, we love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Man I Married

July 8, 2017


I call this the “babe face,” or “Brady face.” 💛 When he looks at me like that, my heart completely melts. It’s a soft, confident, genuine look of love and happiness. It’s the set-everything-aside-I’m-totally-serious look… the one that sees right through me and tells me that I have indeed found the one in whom my soul loves.

Brady is so patient with me. My life has not gone as planned in any direction I have, or have tried, to take. It is frustrating, and it is lonely. I feel like I will never get a chance to do the things that I want to do; which is everything. I have been humbled in my efforts to choose to be and feel and live happy this past week. I’m really trying… I really am. I am doing a lot of self-pep talks and things. God has shown me a side of my heart that I haven’t seen in a very long time.

Brady and I are kind of in the middle of making some decisions regarding our future plans and all that comes with it. It’s scary, it’s intense (mostly for me 😉) and it is trying. I have called upon God many-a-times this week to help me to just be happy and to see things as Brady sees them. To trust my husband and not that devil on my shoulder named anxiety. It has been hard, not in an ignorant or complaining way. Anxiety is hard.

But when I throw aside all of my arguments, all of my wants and dislikes.. I’m finally able to see the man that I love and married and dated and waited for. I am able to see him as more than I ever have. The unknown frightens me to death and leaves me feeling so physically sick. This week, I have had talks with myself, doing self-soothing and all, and when I stand outside of my box, I see that Brady is seeking out my happiness, he is seeking out our happily ever after, he is planning for the future we both dream of… the future we will work hard for.

I love my husband very, very much. I have made it very well known since he left on his mission 7 years ago 😉 and I will keep making it known. I love talking, writing and sharing how happy & loved he makes me feel. I love sharing that happy part of my life with you. And I’m sure those readers who’ve been around a long time are probably happy to read happy posts!! My husband isn’t the enemy that my depression & anxiety make me feel. He isn’t keeping me from doing things I want. He does believe in me, and he wants what’s best for me.

I’ll leave you with this. When we met with our Stake President for our temple recommends and sealing recommend for our wedding day, he shared with us something that will stay with me through all eternity. He said, “if you put his/her happiness before your own, you will be happy.” 💕 My gosh, can I just tell you how true it is! 

I love my husband and his happiness is my happiness.

xoxo