Browsing Category | hobby

In the coming year

I’m excited for the coming year. I’ve got some ideas of things I’d like to start doing more, maybe some things I’d like to learn. One thing in particular that I’d like to start doing is reading more books. I don’t like to have regrets, but I wished I would’ve picked up a love for reading when I was younger. There’s so many books that I want to read and never enough time! With the new year and new schedule, I’m hoping to make more time to do so!

I’ve got over 500 books on my TBR list.. not sure that I’ll ever get through them all but I’d LOVE to start reading more of them. I’d love to start reading different genre’s. Many bloggers/book reviewers that I follow read so many different kinds of books and it inspires me to do the same! I’ve always stuck with my normal LDS, Young Adult clean romance novels but I’d love to branch out and learn so much more. I am LDS so it’s obvious that my go-to books are definitely LDS based and I’ve never been one to care for much more than YA romance, YA fiction, LDS fiction/non-fiction, murder-mystery/mystery, self-help, etc. We’ll see what I get to!

I also have some goals to get more familiar with my Silhouette CAMEO 3 machine. I can’t seem to figure out the darn thing. Haha! Anyone have some awesome resources or tutorials they loved? Send them my way. I don’t have anything particular that I want to create… actually, maybe I do. PLANNER STICKERS!! You know, those cute stickers people make for the Erin Condren planners and stuff? I have some personal planner sticker ideas that I want to try and make. Wish me luck!

I’d also love to start a garden. Probably just a flower garden because let’s be real…. I won’t eat anything you can grow (at least, that most people grow). Maybe grapes, or…. actually, idk. Haha!! I also can’t wait to get a dog or two again. B and I have decided to adopt this time, through the Humane Society (wherever our local one is). I’m excited! A lot of upkeep but we miss our first dog so much. SO much!

Looking Back

I had a conversation with someone recently, and it sort of lit a small fire inside my heart.

I am always trying to find validation somewhere. I’m always trying to find my worth in worldly things. I only say that because everything I’ve tried to tie my worth to, has failed. I talk a lot about failure, hard times and sadness here on this blog. It’s just been my life for a very long time.

My last therapy session was really hard. It’s kind of what I call the “graduation” session. When you don’t really have anything else to work through. You know that therapy is there, if you ever need to come back, but that you’re doing okay. Before the session was over, my therapist asked me, “Does it make you uncomfortable not being in crisis?” And I just started crying. It does. It totally does. It’s so uncomfortable for me. It’s so uncomfortable for me to just be happy, each and everyday and have “nothing” to work through. Nothing to think about or ponder about. It’s just gone.

I’m not saying that I’m 100% okay. Because we all have our fair-share of crappy days, but for the most part I’ve been doing really well. I was going to share this on my personal blog but I felt it more appropriate for here. Looking back on my blog(s), Instagram, Twitter and Facebook, I notice a consistent share in what truly makes me happy. What truly matters most to me that I choose to share with the world.

My Mormon faith.
My husband/marriage.
My family.
& the occasional hobby, interests, or quote goodness.

That’s what I want to continue doing. That’s really what I want to live my life doing. I did it before marriage, before college, before photography. I happily shared what I loved and I didn’t hold back. Sometimes I’m particular about what I share, because we only ever want to share what’s GOOD, #amiright? But I want to try to be more open to the goodness in my life and around me, and change that. I want to post crappy photos to my Instagram, or share about my most recent vending machine problem experience. I love it. I love love love love it.

Most importantly though, sharing my faith. I love being a Mormon. I love being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love going to Church. I love going to the temple!! I love reading my scriptures and my most favorite store in the whole wide world, is Deseret Book. It’s natural for me to feel this way. I feel most comfortable living this way because it’s me. It’s just me. It’s who I am.

I’m sorry if you dislike those who “overshare” their faith, but I’m not sorry that it’s who I am and it’s what makes me most happy in life. I do have an idea of a product I might sell if I get enough interest but that’s a secret in the works!

xoxo

May we take seriously the Lord’s call to “be of good cheer, for I will lead you along.” He leads us by the Holy Ghost. May we live close to the Spirit, acting quickly upon our first promptings, knowing they come from God. I bear witness of the power of the Holy Ghost to guide us, guard us, and ever be with us, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

– Ronald A. Rasband

That Entrepreneur Life – Multipotentialite

Ashley Ziegler headshot by Abbey Kyhl

According to Wikipedia (the most untrusted website) a Multipotentialite is:

An educational and psychological term referring to a pattern found among intellectually gifted individuals. [Multipotentialites] generally have diverse interests across numerous domains and may be capable of success in many endeavors or professions, they are confronted with unique decisions as a result of these choices.

AKA we never know what she is doing because she always changes her mind.


The first thing that came to my mind was, is this really a thing? I laughed about it for a bit the other day, seriously and laughing at the idea of it. Someone must have made this word up. It totally sounds like a made up word. And maybe it is, I’ll never know. But after doing more research, and watching this awesome TED talk, I’m starting to finally feel understood.

I can’t even begin to tell you/express how embarrassing it is to constantly be jumping from the next adventure to the next and hearing from others how it all just looks crazy and they just never know what I’m up to. Clients won’t want to book me because they’re afraid I’ll just cancel or change my mind on them. Nobody will want to buy my cute stickers that I make, in my Etsy shop, because there are soooo many people who already do. And my newest adventure, nail school? Yeah, I won’t be able to make enough to pay back what I spent on schooling… it’s depressing and extremely frustrating.

It’s a daily, consistent battle with myself. Do I really need to do anything at all? Do I really need to just find one thing? Can I really just enjoy having a job and nothing else? Can I handle just coming home and not having anything to do and be content with that? Do I really have the courage to give up my photography business, throw the nail school idea out the window, and believe that my designs for Etsy aren’t going to interest anyone?

Nobody is at fault here, and nobody has made these decisions or caused these questions. It’s how I’m wired. It’s just who I am. Entrepreneur? Probably, I can definitely be that. Creative? It’s my favorite outlet for ALL of my emotions. Each time I was in the hospital, my favorite therapy session was art therapy. I always felt most calm, most “in my element,” and most content. It’s the real deal for me.


I’m just ready to accept that I’m always going to be changing interests. I don’t have a “calling.” If I do, there’s definitely more than one. I’m happiest knowing that I can do and be whatever I want to be. I don’t have to be a doctor just because I’m really smart. I don’t have to be a wedding photographer just because I know how to use a camera. I can make all the flippin’ stickers I want because if no one else uses them, I know I will. I guess the price I pay for following many of my interests is the frustration that comes with road blocks. I’m sure it’ll always be that way. But I know, hope, believe and have faith in myself, and that I can do anything I put my mind and heart into.

 

Are you a multipotentialite? Let’s be friends!

xoxo

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Indecisive

Indecisive.

It should be my middle name or something.

I have this conversation with a lot of people, all the time. In fact, the reason I’m writing this post is because I had this very conversation with my mom (and sister I think) like two days ago. I also talk about it a lot on my blog, so if you’re reading this and you’re sick of reading it, just stop now.

I announced very publicly on February 22, 2017, that I would be stepping down as a wedding photographer. There were so many aspects of my life at that time that needed my time and attention. I was so heartbroken. I knew this was probably a good choice but I didn’t expect it to be as hard as it was is. I wasn’t going to be photographing weddings anymore, booking new clients. I was done. That was it. No more photos. But I just couldn’t live with that, and almost a month later I wanted it back. But this is what’s best… or so I thought. There’s no way anyone will book you with how unstable you are as a business owner. <<<<< Literally my thoughts every day.

I missed meeting with brides in person to go over their big day. I missed showing up for engagements and getting the giggles out with great photos to show. I missed the bridals, the first look… that moment of “this is what wedding day will probably feel like.” But I most miss the actual wedding day. The cheers of congratulations from the guests. The cute stories I get to hear from the grandpas. I miss my gear. I miss learning and being confident in my work and my ability to produce the photos I wanted and did. I miss second-shooting for crying out loud. I miss having this as an outlet that I never knew how much I loved until I was in “photographer-mode.”

My heart aches for this photography life that I’ve been living the past 3 years. It aches for the excitement of learning, growing and being successful with something. College didn’t work out for me. Holding a job hasn’t worked out for me. But photography has. Photography was not only my creative outlet, but it was a way of serving someone and putting them first. It was a way that I felt made my dad proud of me. It’s one way I still feel connected to my dad. Photography is life. Whenever someone says, “we should let Ashley take the picture, she’s the photographer,” my love for this part of my life grows and I pray in gratitude every night that I have found photography. This is a self-taught skill. I have worked hard and I have worked my tail off to get where I am.

But I’m stuck. I’m stuck and I can’t get out.

I sold my gear. Yep, you read that right. I sold my gear. All of it: my camera body, two lens’, four batteries, and a few other things. All in one weekend. My baby. My life and my love. I sold it. Gone. Now, I have a Sony mirror-less camera. The new and cool. I don’t know how to use it at all. The lens’ are $$$$$$$$$$$$$ and the ones I have aren’t all that amazing. I don’t know what all the buttons mean or how to adjust with a snap of my finger like I did my Nikon. It’s frustrating. It’s discouraging but a good kind of different at the same time. What kind of client is going to book me with a small, point-and-shoot-looking camera? No one will take me seriously. If it’s not big, black and chunky, I’m not professional… right? That’s hard!

Why I switched, I’m not really looking to get in to that right now. Things are changing. Am I coming back? Probably… when? I don’t know. Someone once said, “we never know if you are or aren’t doing photography. You change your mind a lot.” I do. I apologize. I am so sorry for causing so much confusion and being so indecisive. I’m all over the place all of the time. My life is. I never know what I’m doing each and every day. I feel so unstable. A lot like my depression and anxiety. I never finish anything, yet I want to try everything. Maybe I don’t let things workout. Maybe I’m scared that something, specifically photography, will workout and I’ll be successful. Can I handle that? Is it what I really want? Will everyone support me?

 I want to make this work. I want to make photography be my thing. I want to be successful and love what I do in life. I’m hurt that a lot of other things aren’t working/happening right now and maybe this is it. Maybe this is what’s working/happening. Whether it always will or not, I really want to make it work. I want to book clients, be happy and photograph memories. I feel like specializing in weddings will ALWAYS be my thing, but maybe it’s time I become a hybrid photographer. Maybe I need to start photographing families (small families), seniors, missionaries, couples, anniversaries, portraits, head-shots, studio photography, lifestyle, in-home sessions… maybe I’m feeling this way because I’m sticking strictly to weddings? I’m not sure. Either way, I think it’s time I open my doors to some more work that I haven’t been doing for a long time.

There’s so much change happening in my life right now. The biggest hurtle I’ve had to overcome since February 22, was my dads 1 year passing anniversary. I miss him so much, right now especially. I’m just having a sad day (it’s 12:03 AM right now) and I just miss him. I’m tired, exhausted and I need to find balance in my life. Something, I need to calm down, eliminate/simplify and do what makes me most happy… and that’s probably photography, reading, blogging, being with family and … napping. HAHA but seriously. If you made it this far, I’m really proud of you because this was A LOT of word vomit. My heart just needed to say what was on my mind.

So the future of Ashley Ziegler Photography holds……. not really sure but I’m hoping something.

NEW blog name & niche

NEW BLOG NAME & NICHE

Dress: Poppy and Dot | Skirt Extender: Downeast Outfitters | Sandals: Target | Purse: Charming Charlie

The name, “Built Upon the Rock,” comes from my favorite scripture verse found in the Book of Mormon, in the book of Helaman chapter 5 verse 12. (Hel. 5:12). That scripture has been my favorite since I was 12 years old. I was at a Summer girls camp and this scripture was the weekly theme. It has stuck with me ever since.

I have always wanted to pick a niche for my blogging but the only one I’ve ever felt comfortable choosing and the one suggested by basically everyone I know is: Spirituality/Religion. I’m nervous as I learn the ropes of blogging, Christian-blogging, and being safe on the internet while still sharing the word of God.

I am nowhere near nor ever will I, claim to be a perfect disciple of Jesus Christ, know everything about the LDS Church, ⬅️ it’s doctrine, OR how you should find happiness and live a good life. 💛 I am imperfectly trying to become perfect through my Savior.

I am so excited to get sharing blog posts with you & meet so many new friends! :)

xoxo

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