Browsing Category | dreams

That Entrepreneur Life – Multipotentialite

Ashley Ziegler headshot by Abbey Kyhl

According to Wikipedia (the most untrusted website) a Multipotentialite is:

An educational and psychological term referring to a pattern found among intellectually gifted individuals. [Multipotentialites] generally have diverse interests across numerous domains and may be capable of success in many endeavors or professions, they are confronted with unique decisions as a result of these choices.

AKA we never know what she is doing because she always changes her mind.


The first thing that came to my mind was, is this really a thing? I laughed about it for a bit the other day, seriously and laughing at the idea of it. Someone must have made this word up. It totally sounds like a made up word. And maybe it is, I’ll never know. But after doing more research, and watching this awesome TED talk, I’m starting to finally feel understood.

I can’t even begin to tell you/express how embarrassing it is to constantly be jumping from the next adventure to the next and hearing from others how it all just looks crazy and they just never know what I’m up to. Clients won’t want to book me because they’re afraid I’ll just cancel or change my mind on them. Nobody will want to buy my cute stickers that I make, in my Etsy shop, because there are soooo many people who already do. And my newest adventure, nail school? Yeah, I won’t be able to make enough to pay back what I spent on schooling… it’s depressing and extremely frustrating.

It’s a daily, consistent battle with myself. Do I really need to do anything at all? Do I really need to just find one thing? Can I really just enjoy having a job and nothing else? Can I handle just coming home and not having anything to do and be content with that? Do I really have the courage to give up my photography business, throw the nail school idea out the window, and believe that my designs for Etsy aren’t going to interest anyone?

Nobody is at fault here, and nobody has made these decisions or caused these questions. It’s how I’m wired. It’s just who I am. Entrepreneur? Probably, I can definitely be that. Creative? It’s my favorite outlet for ALL of my emotions. Each time I was in the hospital, my favorite therapy session was art therapy. I always felt most calm, most “in my element,” and most content. It’s the real deal for me.


I’m just ready to accept that I’m always going to be changing interests. I don’t have a “calling.” If I do, there’s definitely more than one. I’m happiest knowing that I can do and be whatever I want to be. I don’t have to be a doctor just because I’m really smart. I don’t have to be a wedding photographer just because I know how to use a camera. I can make all the flippin’ stickers I want because if no one else uses them, I know I will. I guess the price I pay for following many of my interests is the frustration that comes with road blocks. I’m sure it’ll always be that way. But I know, hope, believe and have faith in myself, and that I can do anything I put my mind and heart into.

 

Are you a multipotentialite? Let’s be friends!

xoxo

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Indecisive

Indecisive.

It should be my middle name or something.

I have this conversation with a lot of people, all the time. In fact, the reason I’m writing this post is because I had this very conversation with my mom (and sister I think) like two days ago. I also talk about it a lot on my blog, so if you’re reading this and you’re sick of reading it, just stop now.

I announced very publicly on February 22, 2017, that I would be stepping down as a wedding photographer. There were so many aspects of my life at that time that needed my time and attention. I was so heartbroken. I knew this was probably a good choice but I didn’t expect it to be as hard as it was is. I wasn’t going to be photographing weddings anymore, booking new clients. I was done. That was it. No more photos. But I just couldn’t live with that, and almost a month later I wanted it back. But this is what’s best… or so I thought. There’s no way anyone will book you with how unstable you are as a business owner. <<<<< Literally my thoughts every day.

I missed meeting with brides in person to go over their big day. I missed showing up for engagements and getting the giggles out with great photos to show. I missed the bridals, the first look… that moment of “this is what wedding day will probably feel like.” But I most miss the actual wedding day. The cheers of congratulations from the guests. The cute stories I get to hear from the grandpas. I miss my gear. I miss learning and being confident in my work and my ability to produce the photos I wanted and did. I miss second-shooting for crying out loud. I miss having this as an outlet that I never knew how much I loved until I was in “photographer-mode.”

My heart aches for this photography life that I’ve been living the past 3 years. It aches for the excitement of learning, growing and being successful with something. College didn’t work out for me. Holding a job hasn’t worked out for me. But photography has. Photography was not only my creative outlet, but it was a way of serving someone and putting them first. It was a way that I felt made my dad proud of me. It’s one way I still feel connected to my dad. Photography is life. Whenever someone says, “we should let Ashley take the picture, she’s the photographer,” my love for this part of my life grows and I pray in gratitude every night that I have found photography. This is a self-taught skill. I have worked hard and I have worked my tail off to get where I am.

But I’m stuck. I’m stuck and I can’t get out.

I sold my gear. Yep, you read that right. I sold my gear. All of it: my camera body, two lens’, four batteries, and a few other things. All in one weekend. My baby. My life and my love. I sold it. Gone. Now, I have a Sony mirror-less camera. The new and cool. I don’t know how to use it at all. The lens’ are $$$$$$$$$$$$$ and the ones I have aren’t all that amazing. I don’t know what all the buttons mean or how to adjust with a snap of my finger like I did my Nikon. It’s frustrating. It’s discouraging but a good kind of different at the same time. What kind of client is going to book me with a small, point-and-shoot-looking camera? No one will take me seriously. If it’s not big, black and chunky, I’m not professional… right? That’s hard!

Why I switched, I’m not really looking to get in to that right now. Things are changing. Am I coming back? Probably… when? I don’t know. Someone once said, “we never know if you are or aren’t doing photography. You change your mind a lot.” I do. I apologize. I am so sorry for causing so much confusion and being so indecisive. I’m all over the place all of the time. My life is. I never know what I’m doing each and every day. I feel so unstable. A lot like my depression and anxiety. I never finish anything, yet I want to try everything. Maybe I don’t let things workout. Maybe I’m scared that something, specifically photography, will workout and I’ll be successful. Can I handle that? Is it what I really want? Will everyone support me?

 I want to make this work. I want to make photography be my thing. I want to be successful and love what I do in life. I’m hurt that a lot of other things aren’t working/happening right now and maybe this is it. Maybe this is what’s working/happening. Whether it always will or not, I really want to make it work. I want to book clients, be happy and photograph memories. I feel like specializing in weddings will ALWAYS be my thing, but maybe it’s time I become a hybrid photographer. Maybe I need to start photographing families (small families), seniors, missionaries, couples, anniversaries, portraits, head-shots, studio photography, lifestyle, in-home sessions… maybe I’m feeling this way because I’m sticking strictly to weddings? I’m not sure. Either way, I think it’s time I open my doors to some more work that I haven’t been doing for a long time.

There’s so much change happening in my life right now. The biggest hurtle I’ve had to overcome since February 22, was my dads 1 year passing anniversary. I miss him so much, right now especially. I’m just having a sad day (it’s 12:03 AM right now) and I just miss him. I’m tired, exhausted and I need to find balance in my life. Something, I need to calm down, eliminate/simplify and do what makes me most happy… and that’s probably photography, reading, blogging, being with family and … napping. HAHA but seriously. If you made it this far, I’m really proud of you because this was A LOT of word vomit. My heart just needed to say what was on my mind.

So the future of Ashley Ziegler Photography holds……. not really sure but I’m hoping something.

Quiet Car Rides

Something that I really enjoy doing is driving. I love driving far places, and just spending time with myself in the car. Maybe that’s why I love photography and the wonderful opportunities I have to travel to shoot weddings. There’s something so freeing about just relaxing, seeing the beauty of the earth and traveling.

Occasionally I’ll play softer music instead of my usual Jam Out! playlist or my Country music playlist. My softer music includes piano, violin, Mormon Tabernacle Choir and many other artists from CD’s like Especially For Youth program, etc. One particular song always brings comfort to my heart, “Our Savior’s Love.” The rendition I listen to is Hillary Weeks; she’s an amazing artist!

 Sometimes being in my car, spending time listening to the beautiful music of the Gospel, really calms my troubled heart.

I have been feeling extreme burn out lately. The thought of reading scriptures, scriptures I’ve already read before, just feels like a chore. I’m not reading because I want to. Sometimes I’d just rather stay at home on Sunday’s instead of going to church. Exercising and eating better fell off the wagon when I went on a recent vacation. Blogging, photography, and anything creative just aren’t satisfying right now. It’s so hard to feel burn out in a lot of aspects in life that use to consume you.

I’ve changed. I’ve become a quiet person. I don’t socialize or talk to people. I’m not loud and obnoxious or outgoing like I used to be. I’m just quiet, and definitely a homebody now. I’m hoping this summer will be a fun, relaxing summer of just simply having no responsibilities (except work). I want to enjoy being outside, reading books, spending time with my family, going on dates with my husband and swimming. Doing nothing. It’s all I ever want to do.

But, sometimes all you need is a sweet, humbling, simple reminder that peace exists. You can be and feel at peace. You don’t have to be perfect today or tomorrow or even next week. You don’t have to do or be every idea that comes into your mind. You don’t have to impress anyone and everyone. If school isn’t right for you right now, that’s okay. If loving your job or corporate position is fulfilling to you, that’s okay! If spending time at the library brings you happiness, you should go more often. Life is hard, but it doesn’t have to be hard every single day.

Be you, be happy, love God, serve others and live your life to its fullest.

xoxo

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Book Review: Quitter by Jon Acuff

Book Review: Quitter by Jon Acuff by Ashley Ziegler

Quitter: Turning Your Job into a Dream and Your Dream into a Job by Jon Acuff★★★★★

Book Review: Quitter by Jon Acuff by Ashley ZieglerLast November/December, I was contemplating quitting my job and taking photography full-time. Obviously there were a lot of things that needed to be done in order to make this possible. It was really hard and I just wanted to make the jump already but knew that financially, we just weren’t able to make that happen yet. My friend Rachel recommended this book and I’d heard of it a few times but my attitude towards it was not the greatest. I finally ordered the eBook edition on my Kindle Fire and began reading. It was so good I couldn’t put it down. It wasn’t the average self-help/business book but the experiences he shared, the thoughts he shared were just incredible. Everything he taught, he had an experience in his life to relate it too which was really nice to read. Sometimes you can get a list of 5 things to do to quit your job but nobody actually relates to it. This book is great for anyone, especially those who just want to quit their job to fulfill their dream job! I give it 5 stars! Fantastic read!

I’m Raising My White Flag

I’m calling it. This isn’t a cry for help. This isn’t a pity party. This isn’t impatient living. I’m tired and I’m exhausted. It’s time to just set it down and walk away…

I wonder why I always feel so obligated to blog about decisions I make or personal feelings on silly subjects. Today is one of those days but I need to get it off my chest somehow.

 I think (maybe not) everyone has a moment in their life where there’s too much pressure and they crack. They’re trying to do and be too much. And for what reason? — I’m currently in the middle of that, right now.

This thinking has been going on for quite some time. I feel it’s time to do something about it. I’m extremely sad and heartbroken but I know that these decisions are what’s best for my life, my marriage and my future. Mainly my sanity though.

I never once pictured my life with anxiety and depression. I never imagined myself failing at college. I told myself I would never live my life without graduating. I always knew what I wanted to do with my life. But I don’t anymore. I’ve experienced some weird self-pondering and loneliness. I feel lost, unable to identify why I’m feeling like I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, or what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. I know I want to be a mom, but that’s about it.

I know that life happens and sometimes, it’s out of our control. I just never thought it would get this out of control for me.


There are a few things that I need to cut out of my life and there’s no other way to make it happen other than just doing it.

  • My personal photography business
  • Social media
  • Blogging
  • College

Now before you freak out or jump to conclusions or reasoning, just hear me out.

My photography business, it has been everything and more. I cannot not even believe the experiences I have had with this business. How I have grown as an individual and the skills I have learned are never going to change or go away. I’m not going to call it quits, close my doors and never speak of it again. I’ve decided to keep my business but as a hobby business. I love assisting/second-shooting, and the occasional photo shoot but I won’t be taking or advertising for new clients starting March 1st. Why so soon? I need time to figure out how to handle all of this change without the work of new clients. Everyone that has booked before February 23, 2017 will still be served and taken care of the exact same way I have always served my brides. Ashley Ziegler Photography still exists, and it will, but things will be different from here on out.

Social Media, going along with my business… I’ll be changing up my social media. I’m going to cleanup my Facebook and rid it of unnecessary things, groups, pages and stuff that just doesn’t work for me anymore. I want to get rid of Facebook but my family is on there and it’s still a popular platform.

Blogging, blogging schmogging. Why do I feel so much unnecessary pressure to blog? It’s just not an interest to me any more. I like reading blogs, commenting and occasionally posting about really cool things in my life but I’m ready to let it go, the expectation, the daily task and just let it be. I feel this phase in my life has come and gone. I will still be blogging here and networking with other bloggers about things that I love. The “unnecessary pressure” that I feel is to host a lot of giveaways or ads or sponsored posts. I am also doing virtual assisting so I’ll be learning to blog for that as well. I want to gear my blog more towards sharing my love for the Gospel of Jesus Christ which doesn’t give me the “unnecessary pressure” that I feel with blogging about other topics. I just like to read those kind of posts.

College, I never thought I’d include this one. I’ve been “trying” to go to college and get a degree for 7 years now. That is a REALLY long time to be in school and have nothing to show for it. Granted, a lot of events happened that were most definitely not planned but recently feeling this way and really not knowing what I want to do for my life, I think it’s best that I end my journey here and (maybe) come back at a better time.


It’s a little weird that these things are the stuff that is contributing to my life and my feelings right now and that they speak the loudest when it comes to cutting out the unnecessary. I am deeply saddened and I know I’ll move past these feelings but I need to live my life and as embarrassing or shameful quitting these things are/is… I know it needs to happen and I know it will be for the better.