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determination

Looking Back

August 23, 2017

I had a conversation with someone recently, and it sort of lit a small fire inside my heart.

I am always trying to find validation somewhere. I’m always trying to find my worth in worldly things. I only say that because everything I’ve tried to tie my worth to, has failed. I talk a lot about failure, hard times and sadness here on this blog. It’s just been my life for a very long time.

My last therapy session was really hard. It’s kind of what I call the “graduation” session. When you don’t really have anything else to work through. You know that therapy is there, if you ever need to come back, but that you’re doing okay. Before the session was over, my therapist asked me, “Does it make you uncomfortable not being in crisis?” And I just started crying. It does. It totally does. It’s so uncomfortable for me. It’s so uncomfortable for me to just be happy, each and everyday and have “nothing” to work through. Nothing to think about or ponder about. It’s just gone.

I’m not saying that I’m 100% okay. Because we all have our fair-share of crappy days, but for the most part I’ve been doing really well. I was going to share this on my personal blog but I felt it more appropriate for here. Looking back on my blog(s), Instagram, Twitter and Facebook, I notice a consistent share in what truly makes me happy. What truly matters most to me that I choose to share with the world.

My Mormon faith.
My husband/marriage.
My family.
& the occasional hobby, interests, or quote goodness.

That’s what I want to continue doing. That’s really what I want to live my life doing. I did it before marriage, before college, before photography. I happily shared what I loved and I didn’t hold back. Sometimes I’m particular about what I share, because we only ever want to share what’s GOOD, #amiright? But I want to try to be more open to the goodness in my life and around me, and change that. I want to post crappy photos to my Instagram, or share about my most recent vending machine problem experience. I love it. I love love love love it.

Most importantly though, sharing my faith. I love being a Mormon. I love being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love going to Church. I love going to the temple!! I love reading my scriptures and my most favorite store in the whole wide world, is Deseret Book. It’s natural for me to feel this way. I feel most comfortable living this way because it’s me. It’s just me. It’s who I am.

I’m sorry if you dislike those who “overshare” their faith, but I’m not sorry that it’s who I am and it’s what makes me most happy in life. I do have an idea of a product I might sell if I get enough interest but that’s a secret in the works!

xoxo

May we take seriously the Lord’s call to “be of good cheer, for I will lead you along.” He leads us by the Holy Ghost. May we live close to the Spirit, acting quickly upon our first promptings, knowing they come from God. I bear witness of the power of the Holy Ghost to guide us, guard us, and ever be with us, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

– Ronald A. Rasband

That Entrepreneur Life – Multipotentialite

June 16, 2017

According to Wikipedia (the most untrusted website) a Multipotentialite is:

An educational and psychological term referring to a pattern found among intellectually gifted individuals. [Multipotentialites] generally have diverse interests across numerous domains and may be capable of success in many endeavors or professions, they are confronted with unique decisions as a result of these choices.

AKA we never know what she is doing because she always changes her mind.


The first thing that came to my mind was, is this really a thing? I laughed about it for a bit the other day, seriously and laughing at the idea of it. Someone must have made this word up. It totally sounds like a made up word. And maybe it is, I’ll never know. But after doing more research, and watching this awesome TED talk, I’m starting to finally feel understood.

I can’t even begin to tell you/express how embarrassing it is to constantly be jumping from the next adventure to the next and hearing from others how it all just looks crazy and they just never know what I’m up to. Clients won’t want to book me because they’re afraid I’ll just cancel or change my mind on them. Nobody will want to buy my cute stickers that I make, in my Etsy shop, because there are soooo many people who already do. And my newest adventure, nail school? Yeah, I won’t be able to make enough to pay back what I spent on schooling… it’s depressing and extremely frustrating.

It’s a daily, consistent battle with myself. Do I really need to do anything at all? Do I really need to just find one thing? Can I really just enjoy having a job and nothing else? Can I handle just coming home and not having anything to do and be content with that? Do I really have the courage to give up my photography business, throw the nail school idea out the window, and believe that my designs for Etsy aren’t going to interest anyone?

Nobody is at fault here, and nobody has made these decisions or caused these questions. It’s how I’m wired. It’s just who I am. Entrepreneur? Probably, I can definitely be that. Creative? It’s my favorite outlet for ALL of my emotions. Each time I was in the hospital, my favorite therapy session was art therapy. I always felt most calm, most “in my element,” and most content. It’s the real deal for me.


I’m just ready to accept that I’m always going to be changing interests. I don’t have a “calling.” If I do, there’s definitely more than one. I’m happiest knowing that I can do and be whatever I want to be. I don’t have to be a doctor just because I’m really smart. I don’t have to be a wedding photographer just because I know how to use a camera. I can make all the flippin’ stickers I want because if no one else uses them, I know I will. I guess the price I pay for following many of my interests is the frustration that comes with road blocks. I’m sure it’ll always be that way. But I know, hope, believe and have faith in myself, and that I can do anything I put my mind and heart into.

 

Are you a multipotentialite? Let’s be friends!

xoxo

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Up in the gym just workin’ on my fitness

April 26, 2017

I’ve put off blogging about this for a little over two weeks now but decided that since I’m now committed than I ever thought I’d be, why not share?

So a couple of weeks ago I kind of had a “lightbulb” turn on, or whatever. There comes a point in your life where people can say all of these things to encourage you to do something or make a change. They can tell you all of the good things that come from it, and how they know by experience that all of these things are good. People can tell you time and time again until you’re blue in the face.

For me, that was exercise and nutrition.

But nothing will happen until YOU come to grips with yourself and make that decision YOURSELF and for YOU. Nobody can make you lose weight. Nobody can make you choose to eat carrots instead of cheetos. Until you come to the realization that you want this for yourself, it’ll never happen from someone else.

I’m finally in that place. So I got myself together and made the brave decision to start seeing the same gal that my sister sees, who helps her with her diet. It’s amazing! She’s been so wonderful to work with, even though I’m only on week two. HAHA

Anyway, the first week was really hard. Like REALLY hard. My first day (why I chose this day, I know not), I photographed a wedding so I couldn’t make my dinner because I wouldn’t be home. I lived off of water that day. I was starving. The next day or two, food was all I could think about. Literally. Then it got a bit better after having the same snacks every other day and meals. I really tried hard to make myself try something new: like string cheese.

I’m not doing any 30-day diet, or some exercise program. In fact, during my first week of eating differently, I didn’t exercise ONCE… not ONCE. And I’m happy to report that I lost 4 POUNDS and 3.5 inches total!!! :) I can’t believe it. I was so shocked. And the best part, I actually enjoy eating all of the food that I have been (minus a few items). This next week is simple and should be pretty easy which is nice since we’re packing up and moving Saturday.

All I can say is, you have to do something like this for yourself because you want to. Don’t do it for anyone else but yourself. You can do this, do it with me! :) I’ll cheer you on. Follow me here on insta: @ashcanfitness

SW: 233.8
CW: 229.2
GW: 155

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One Little Word — April 2017

April 3, 2017

Please feel free to link your blogs and share with us each month your ‘One Little Word.’ We’re so excited for this!!

One Little Word 2017 — January by A Life She Loved: Piece by Piece Through Love and Faith

Mama Motivates | Aubrey Zaruba | A Life She Loved | The Morrell Tale | The Banks Blog

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Let’s see how I did in March!

  • Finish reading Quitter by Jon Acuff
  • Start reading Blackberry Crumble by Josi S. Kilpack
  • Study Psalms and pray each night
  • Attend the temple every week, bring a friend if I can
  • Get my virtual assistant website set up as well as social media accounts
  • Plan out my mom’s real estate business posts
  • Spend time on the brand new treadmills in the apartment club house
  • Visit my academic adviser to get my hold removed from my account and go over my future college career!
  • Read at least 10 verses in the Book of Mormon
  • Read 1 chapter in the Book of Mormon with Brady each day
  • Create book presentation for work (this week!)

Not too shabby. March was a crazy busy month for me. One that just did its own thing and I didn’t like it very much. I’m so happy that April is here. Not for any reason other than I love the rain and Spring weather. I anticipate this month to be different from any other month, ever. My dads 1 year passing is this month and I really want to stay focused on my goals this month and do my best to remain positive each day!
My word(s) for April is: PRIORITIES FIRST!

APRIL

What do I want to accomplish this month?

  • Edit 2 weddings
  • Pack up our apartment (more on that later!)
    • 1 room-ish per week!
  • Finish reading ‘Worth the Wait’ and hopefully finish ‘The Burnout Cure’
  • Read whatever you want in the Standard Works of scripture
  • Go to the temple each week
  • Go to the temple with Brady
  • Create monthly Budget for April & May
  • Move emergency savings to a different account
  • Work all hours each week – 24hrs/wk
  • Attend all 3 hours of church each week
  • Go to gym M-F
  • Work on something creative

Happy April!

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