Browsing Category | brady

Happy Anniversary!!

Brady and I had a really relaxed anniversary! It was on a Monday which was totally a bummer but whatevs, we had a good time! We stayed local and relaxed at home. We watched something together, and then for dinner, we went to the Cheesecake Factory Mmmmm!! So stinkin’ good! Brady had a gift card that we used. Thank goodness! That place can be expensive!! But so good.

I still can’t believe we’ve been married 4 years. 4 YEARS. I know many of you out there think that it’s nothing, but to me, that’s a long time. That’s 2 missions!! ;) I’m learning to find who I am with Brady. That probably doesn’t make any sense but I’ve struggled to leave my single life with friends behind, and be with my husband friend more! Not that it’s wrong to have friends when you’re married but I struggled with this life changing event. I love Brady with all of my heart, and we have endured so much. But when I finally decided for myself that it was time to change my nutrition and exercise habits, it literally changed everything in my life.

My relationship and friendship with Brady became stronger. I started to cherish, more, the time that we spent together. When I had free time, I would spend as much of it with him that I could before he had to go to work or something. I haven’t given Brady enough credit, and on this blog it looks like I battle this life alone, but it’s not true. Brady is the only person who has been through every teeny tiny thing with me. Like when I worked ALL of my hours for 2 months straight, with zero panic attacks OR missing work. He held me that one time I cried all day because I was physically feeling so depressed.

He is my everything and does everything, just for me. I’m grateful he is mine, and forever!!

The day before our anniversary (Sunday), we went to Church and then to my grandparents’ home for a birthday bbq. My grandparents’ birthday are 2 days apart so it was fun to celebrate both of them! Because of this, we also got to see our Lucy girl. We just love her so much and miss her everyday but are so grateful for her “foster family,” my grandparents & aunt.

The Man I Married

I call this the “babe face,” or “Brady face.” 💛 When he looks at me like that, my heart completely melts. It’s a soft, confident, genuine look of love and happiness. It’s the set-everything-aside-I’m-totally-serious look… the one that sees right through me and tells me that I have indeed found the one in whom my soul loves.

Brady is so patient with me. My life has not gone as planned in any direction I have, or have tried, to take. It is frustrating, and it is lonely. I feel like I will never get a chance to do the things that I want to do; which is everything. I have been humbled in my efforts to choose to be and feel and live happy this past week. I’m really trying… I really am. I am doing a lot of self-pep talks and things. God has shown me a side of my heart that I haven’t seen in a very long time.

Brady and I are kind of in the middle of making some decisions regarding our future plans and all that comes with it. It’s scary, it’s intense (mostly for me 😉) and it is trying. I have called upon God many-a-times this week to help me to just be happy and to see things as Brady sees them. To trust my husband and not that devil on my shoulder named anxiety. It has been hard, not in an ignorant or complaining way. Anxiety is hard.

But when I throw aside all of my arguments, all of my wants and dislikes.. I’m finally able to see the man that I love and married and dated and waited for. I am able to see him as more than I ever have. The unknown frightens me to death and leaves me feeling so physically sick. This week, I have had talks with myself, doing self-soothing and all, and when I stand outside of my box, I see that Brady is seeking out my happiness, he is seeking out our happily ever after, he is planning for the future we both dream of… the future we will work hard for.

I love my husband very, very much. I have made it very well known since he left on his mission 7 years ago 😉 and I will keep making it known. I love talking, writing and sharing how happy & loved he makes me feel. I love sharing that happy part of my life with you. And I’m sure those readers who’ve been around a long time are probably happy to read happy posts!! My husband isn’t the enemy that my depression & anxiety make me feel. He isn’t keeping me from doing things I want. He does believe in me, and he wants what’s best for me.

I’ll leave you with this. When we met with our Stake President for our temple recommends and sealing recommend for our wedding day, he shared with us something that will stay with me through all eternity. He said, “if you put his/her happiness before your own, you will be happy.” 💕 My gosh, can I just tell you how true it is! 

I love my husband and his happiness is my happiness.


When Elder Holland Comes to Town…

Just kidding. He doesn’t always come to town. But a couple of weeks ago, he did.

We had our Stake Conference on June 11th. We found out in May that Elder Jeffrey R. Holland would be visiting us and I literally couldn’t even contain my excitement!!!! Not only was an Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ coming to visit, but ELDER HOLLAND was coming. 

I have this weird thing that I bring upon myself, it’s called social anxiety. I literally get so anxious that I end up having a panic attack and start crying pretty hard. It often keeps me from going to social events like meeting up with friends, going to stake conference, etc. It’s really hard on me and I absolutely hate it but it’s just something I have to work through. :/


We arrived at 8:30 AM (more like 8:15) to get good seats. We were on the 5th row from the front where Elder Holland would speak to us. It was incredible. The meeting didn’t even start until 10:00 AM! Haha, but it was so worth it. I got to sit by my babe and my bff Abby. ANNNND my mom and Jess :) It was just a wonderful experience. Absolutely incredible. Abby and I always find ourselves doing everything together and this was one of them!

I wish I could remember everything he said, I really do. It was so good. We were getting a new stake presidency that day so, he spoke a lot on supporting and accepting those who are called to certain positions in the Church that we, as members, feel like it could have been filled by someone else. It’s kind of silly but people do! I always wondered why my dad was never in the bishopric like my friends’ dad. Or why my mom wasn’t in a super cool stake calling. You just do, it’s just apart of being within the Church. But the way he spoke about sustaining them anyway, and supporting them and promising with the Lord that you will serve alongside them. It was very powerful and probably something we needed to hear.

He then started talking about a few other things and incorporated the Book of Mormon. I say “things” because I literally just can’t really say all that he said. You just had to be there. Also, he speaks exactly the same in person/in the chapel as he does in General Conference. HAHA like woah… we can hear you loud and clear through the microphone ;) ;) ;) I kid I kid. But it was powerful and amazing and a complete testimony builder. God loves his Apostles. They are the same person both on TV and in your church building. They love us. They want to serve and help us. Some things I do remember him saying are:

  • “You can stay in the church. You can leave the church. But you cannot deny the evidence!”
  • “I read this book every year. I am not me without this book.”

A little bit of emphasis on that last one because we all know Elder Holland. Haha, anyway, the “evidence” that he speaks of is the proof that God lives, Jesus Christ atoned for our sins and the Book of Mormon is the most correct book on the earth today. The evidence that Angels are real, Heaven exists and this is the true-living Church of God, the ONLY true church on the earth today. I cried. I cried through his entire talk. surprise surprise. It was exactly what I needed, what my friends needed, my family… our stake. It was everything and more. I need to read the Book of Mormon. Every year, every day.

I know, without a doubt, that my Heavenly Father loves me. I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know that the Prophet and President of the Church today, is Thomas S. Monson. I know that Apostles are real, and that they are just like us. I know, that after hearing him speak to us, God is ever-mindful of us individuals and what we need to hear and when we need to hear it. This church is true. It is the truest of the truest. It is life-saving, life-changing, and eternal. I would not be who I am today without it. I would not be able to live, breathe, love, or enjoy life without the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am thankful for the many Pioneers and ancestors who trekked across the country to bring this light. My family is eternal. My marriage is eternal. I don’t understand, and I might not ever, some of the doctrine, the policies or any other decisions the Church makes. AND THAT’S OKAY. It’s okay that I have questions, and it’s most definitely okay that I wrestle while working through that. Nothing in this world, no alcohol, drugs, partying, stealing, etc. would EVER be more worth it. NOTHING. I know what I know because of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I have had way too many sacred experiences, and too many witnesses to deny it.

Book Review: #WorthTheWrestle

Brady and Ashley - Worth the Wrestle

Worth the Wrestle by Sheri DewI really enjoyed this book. Like, probably one of the very best I have ever read. Sheri Dew is incredible and has worked very hard in her life and it definitely shows.

She mentions her talk on Motherhood in this book, but what I loved most about that is how she tells the story of leading up to the choice for that talk. The struggle she went through to figure out her topic. The days she spent fasting, praying, in the temple, reading scriptures and just looking for some sort of revelation from God about what He wants her to talk about.

I want to elaborate more on that but I also want you to get the book for yourself, it’s so good!

Anyway, she shares this from a perspective that it started out small, with a not-so-good feeling about an experience she had. She quickly became humbled through the Lord when she realized that in order to move past her feelings, she needed to work for it. She needed to work hard to overcome these feelings.

My husband and I started dating after high school, when he received his mission call. He served a 2-year service mission for our Church, out of the country. It was THE hardest thing I’ve ever endured. Right before he came home from his mission I started to experience feelings I didn’t like. Should I marry him? Is he the one for me? Is he the right one? Will we get married? Will he want to be with me when he gets home? What if we break up? So many thoughts running through my head.

I tossed and turned night after night, just waiting for the Lord to answer me. Why wasn’t He answering me? I prayed daily. I read my scriptures every single night. I went to Church and the temple as often as I could. I was doing what I was supposed to be doing…. right? Then why couldn’t he just give me a yes or a no?

It was so discouraging but for some reason, I never stopped praying, or attending the temple, or serving in my church callings. I just felt mad. Until I heard the Spirit whisper, “wait 3 more months and then you’ll know.” I heard it clear as day. I heard it once and that was it. Brady had 3 months left to serve on his mission. I had to stick it out for 3 more months and the Lord would answer my prayers.

I promised the Lord in my prayers that night, that I wouldn’t ask ever again, any of those questions I had been asking a billion times a day. I promised that I would wait 3 months, and when Brady was home, I would ask one more time. It was so hard. I wrestled and wrestled with that. Accepting it and being patient was surely a test for me. I continued to go to the temple, read my scriptures, say my prayers, be kind to my sisters… And then it had been 3 months.

Fast forward to the airport, the night he came home. We were all waiting patiently as people were coming down the escalator. His plane had landed so we knew he’d be out soon. And in moment’s time, there he was at the very top. My husband (then “missionary”) stood at the top of the escalator as he looked down at all of us. I cried. I cried so hard. He was here. He was home. The love of my life was finally home. And then, as clear as day, I heard the Spirit whisper, “you know. You know now.” I did. I knew we would be together forever. I knew that we would marry in the temple. I knew that I loved him more than anything in this life. I knew, with the overwhelming witness of the Spirit that God had finally answered my prayer. Maybe not the way I had wanted, but he did.

We might have to wrestle for a long time. We might have to work for the things we expect God to give us right now. And why wouldn’t we work? Why wouldn’t we push ourselves to our very best, be obedient and obey God’s timing? It’s so much easier said than done but I have experienced working hard and waiting on the Lord, and because of that, I have never been so happy.

Brady and Ashley - Worth the Wrestle

***Disclaimer: I received a free copy in exchange for a review of my honest opinion. All opinions are my own.